The Devil’s Beatitudes

Blessed are they who are too tired and too busy to go to Church, for they are my best workers!

Blessed is the church member who expects to be invited to his or her own church, for they shall become part of the problem instead of the solution.

Blessed are they who do not give offerings to carry on God’s work for they are my best helpers!

Blessed are they who are bored with the minister’s mannerisms and mistakes, for they shall get nothing out of the sermon.

Blessed are they who gossip, for they cause strife and divisions that please me.

Blessed are they who are easily offended, for they soon get angry and quit.

Blessed is he or she who professes to love God but hates his brother or sister, for they shall be with me forever.

Blessed are the trouble makers, for they shall be called ‘children of the devil’.

Blessed is he or she who has no time to pray, for they will be easy prey.

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